Brothers, I realize you may have heard plenty about why men cheat—usually from a woman’s perspective. Since I’ve yet to read a male response or examination of this issue, I figured it was time to put some thoughts down and see if the brotherhood will salute—or at least say, “Amen” to why women cheat.
Thanks to the Women’s Liberation movement and decades of observation, it’s clear that women have the same capability and desire to cheat as men. Otherwise, why do we see more instances of female educators seducing underage students, more women involved in internet pornography, and more women willing to deceive?
Saying “All men are dogs” just doesn’t cut it anymore.
We’re seeing more and more “doggettes” stepping out, taking their actions into both the streets and the suites. We read plenty about sisters advising men on self-control without acknowledging that temptation affects both genders. So I thought it was time to dish out some “real-world medicine” and say, “Take it in” to those who might need a dose of the same advice.
Not Hating—Just Saying
Let it be clear: I don’t “hate” women. But truth is truth. One of the oldest tricks in the book is to claim someone doesn’t “love you” just because they’re advising you to stay away from the fire.
Excuses won’t fly this month! We’re going to run a few real-world scenarios and discuss. Any resemblance to anyone is purely coincidental.
Now, I won’t be using real names in my examples. But yes, I’ll be throwing strikes. You’ll know it’s in the strike zone when you hear that ball hit the mitt.
Let’s Remember: It Takes Two
Adultery and infidelity involve two people. The Bible says it; God says it; even your cousin from South Carolina would agree—it’s wrong. It’s not just the man’s fault; it takes two to do it. There’s a woman involved in the story of every cheating man, just as there’s a man in every case of cheating by a woman. Sometimes, the person involved is intelligent, successful, and stable. Sometimes, they’re lonely, bored, or looking for a thrill.
The end result? Shame.
#1: Jealousy
Please understand, I don’t encourage cheating in any way. I’m not a counselor; I’m just a man who’s lived enough years to have seen and heard some real stories, defeats, and lessons learned.
Take the story of Debbie and her best friend Sheryie. These two spent countless weekends out until Debbie got engaged to DeJuan. Of course, Debbie told Sheryie all about him—how charming, how successful. After months of hearing about “perfect DeJuan,” Sheryie was tired of it. Eventually, Debbie caught Sheryie in DeJuan’s bed.
In Debbie’s mind: “DeJuan was no good, but Sheryie’s still my friend.”
In Sheryie’s mind: “I told her he was no good—and I was right.”
Ladies, jealousy is universal. Pretending otherwise would be like saying rain can fall without getting anything wet.
#2: Good for Thee, But Not for Me
More than a few women believe they’re above the rules when it comes to workplace “relationships.” Ever seen a female boss taking “extended lunches” with a male subordinate? It’s unprofessional, no matter who’s doing it. Unfortunately, when the workplace romance surfaces and a woman is the instigator, some are shocked to find the gavel of justice doesn’t care about gender—it cares about power and influence.
When a wayward female boss crosses lines, we’re starting to hear the consequences.
3# Midlife Crisis Goes Both Ways
Who’s driving the romance novel industry? It’s not men. Women dominate that market, and while it’s fine to enjoy a good book, fantasy lives unchecked can lead some to “act out” in ways that cross the line.
The next time you hear about a woman involved with a teenage boy, remember: people of both genders face their own midlife crises and make poor choices. And accountability doesn’t have a gender.
#4: Afraid to Commit
Monica and Beverly are both in their late 30s, both dating, and both hearing hints of marriage from their boyfriends. Yet, they’re also enjoying other relationships in their own hometown. The commitment they put on display each weekend doesn’t extend to the weekdays. Let’s be clear, brothers: commitment isn’t selective. Real relationships require real commitment, and if they’re juggling two relationships, someone’s bound to get burned.
#5: Manipulation for Control
Brothers, society is slowly realizing that both genders are capable of manipulation and destruction “just for fun.” We’ve all seen instances where people use emotions to manipulate others for personal gain. In the pages of scripture and in modern times, women and men alike have deceived others to gain power.
Simply put, brothers, there are those out there who may try to deceive or even destroy you because of who you are. If you are a force for good, if you are “God’s man for the season,” then you must avoid the traps and tricks that others might set.
This isn’t about blame—it’s about perspective. It takes two to tango, and everyone holds some responsibility. Understanding this helps us all see the other half of the equation.
This wraps up our session for the month. And the brotherhood said, “Amen.”
MIKE RAMEY is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE. A monthly column, written from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective. This column appears on fine websites around the world. Emails welcomed at: manhoodline@yahoo.com.
