Love, they say, is a beautiful thing.
Growing up, I loved listening to Westlife, and one of their songs that stayed with me was Flying Without Wings. The song captures something many of us understand instinctively: everyone is searching for something that gives life meaning, something that makes us feel complete.
For many people, that something is love.
We may search for success, money, recognition, friendships and accomplishments, but deep within us is a desire to be known, accepted and loved.
Love has a strange way of finding us in unexpected places. Sometimes it begins with an ordinary conversation. It grows from friendship. Sometimes, two people who never imagined they would become important to each other gradually discover that their lives have become intertwined.
Everyone wants to love and to be loved. Yet something has changed in the way many people think about relationships.
When Commitment Became Optional
Today, relationships are often approached differently from the way previous generations understood them.
Some people have become so afraid of heartbreak that they avoid commitment altogether. Others want the companionship, affection and benefits of a relationship without accepting the responsibility that comes with it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting freedom. There is nothing wrong with being cautious about relationships. But there is a danger when fear of commitment becomes a philosophy of life.
Because love is not simply about what we receive. Love also asks what we are willing to give.
A relationship can survive difficulties when two people are committed to working through them. But when commitment disappears, every disagreement can become a reason to leave, and every inconvenience can become an excuse to walk away.
Perhaps this is why the conversation I heard from Dr Laura Schlessinger stayed with me.
A Woman Who Refused to Be Defined by Her Past
Dr Laura Schlessinger’s story is remarkable because of the difficulties she experienced early in life.
She grew up in a deeply troubled family environment and has spoken publicly about experiencing emotional neglect and a painful relationship with her parents.
But what makes her story inspiring is not simply what happened to her. It is what she decided to do with what happened to her.
She could have allowed her childhood to become the permanent explanation for her life. Instead, she pursued education, built a professional career and eventually became one of the most influential voices in talk radio.
She earned a PhD in physiology from Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons and later obtained postdoctoral training in marriage, family and child counselling at the University of Southern California.
Before becoming famous on the radio, she spent years working as a therapist and teaching. Her journey reminds us of something important:
Your past may explain some of your struggles, but it does not have to determine your future. You can come from a broken home and still build a healthy home.
The Voice on the Radio
Dr Laura’s entrance into radio was almost accidental.
In the early 1980s, she called into another radio program. A producer heard her and eventually invited her to participate on air.
That small opportunity became the beginning of a remarkable media career.
Her direct and often uncompromising approach to relationships, family and personal responsibility resonated with millions of listeners.
She became known for telling people difficult truths rather than simply telling them what they wanted to hear, and perhaps that is why her advice to a 50-year-old man recently caught my attention.
Five Years Together
I was listening to Dr Laura on the radio when a man, reportedly around 50 years old, called for advice about his relationship.
Dr Laura Schlessinger
He had been with his girlfriend for five years. Five years is a long time to share your life with another person.
You have probably seen each other’s strengths and weaknesses, experienced difficult seasons together and created memories. Both of you have supported each other, and perhaps built a life that looks, from the outside, very much like a marriage.
But Dr Laura challenged him to confront an important question: If you have decided that this is the person you want to spend your life with, why remain indefinitely in a relationship without committing to marriage?
Her advice was direct. She encouraged him to be a man and make a decision. What struck me wasn’t merely the bluntness of her words.
It was the principle behind them. At some point, love has to move beyond feelings and convenience and become a decision.
Love Is More Than What We Feel
One of the greatest misunderstandings about love is that love is primarily an emotion.
Feelings are important, but feelings change.
There are days when you feel deeply connected to someone. There are other days when you may be frustrated, tired or disappointed.
If love depends entirely on feelings, it becomes fragile.
But commitment says: “Even when things become difficult, I am willing to work through them.”
Marriage is not a declaration that two perfect people have found each other. It is a commitment between two imperfect people who have decided to build a life together.
That requires patience, forgiveness, sacrifice, communication and above all, it requires commitment.
Let God Teach Us How to Love
Perhaps this is where the conversation about love ultimately leads us. We cannot understand love completely without understanding the One who created it.
The Bible tells us that “God is love.” If God is the source of love, then perhaps the greatest way to build better relationships is not simply to learn more about romance, but to learn more about God.
The world teaches us to ask, “What can this relationship do for me?” God teaches us to ask, “How can I love this person well?”
The world often tells us to leave when things become difficult. God teaches us patience, forgiveness, sacrifice and faithfulness. The world can commit look like a prison.
God can help us see commitment as a covenant. Marriage will not always be easy. Two imperfect people will inevitably have disagreements. There will be seasons of joy and seasons of difficulty.
