There are people whose success stories make us admire what they have achieved. Then there are people whose stories make us look differently at our own struggles.
Forbes Riley belongs to the second category.
I recently stumbled upon an interview with her, and her story immediately caught my attention. From the streets of New York to the global stage of entrepreneurship, television and fitness, her journey is a remarkable testimony to the ability of the human spirit to rise above adversity.
Her philosophy is captured in a powerful statement: “You are the sum of the obstacles you overcome.”
That sentence says a lot about how she views life. According to Riley, our obstacles are not simply things standing in our way. They can become part of the material from which our strength, character and identity are built.
And when we examine her life, the statement becomes more than a motivational quote. It becomes her testimony.
A Childhood That Taught Her to Dream
Forbes Riley grew up on Long Island, New York, in a family environment that valued hard work, creativity, independence and entrepreneurship.
Her mother was the only child of Ukrainian immigrants. Riley’s grandfather was a butcher while her grandmother ran the numbers. The father grew up in New York and came from a financially established family, but his decision to marry her mother, whom his family considered to be from the “wrong side of the tracks,” resulted in him being disowned.
It is an interesting beginning to a remarkable story.
Her parents came from different worlds, yet together they created an environment that taught their daughter something that would stay with her throughout her life: circumstances do not have to determine what is possible.
She grew up believing that hard work mattered and was encouraged to be creative. Riley taught to think differently.
Most importantly, she developed a belief that she could achieve anything she was willing to work for. That belief would become important because life would eventually test it.
The Little Girl Who Struggled to Find Her Voice
Long before Forbes Riley became a television personality, entrepreneur and fitness pioneer, she was a quiet and shy little girl.
Her childhood came with physical challenges that could easily have affected her confidence.
She had a broken nose, wore braces for eight years and struggled with a tongue thrust that made speaking difficult. At one point, she was unable to speak properly for two years.
For a child, such experiences can be devastating.
While other children are talking, laughing and expressing themselves, she was dealing with an obstacle that affected one of the most basic ways human beings connect with one another: the ability to speak.
She could have withdrawn or allowed her physical challenges to become her identity.
But something else happened.
The very thing that made communication difficult eventually created a deep desire within her to communicate.
She wanted to be heard. The girl who struggled to speak would eventually build a career in acting, television hosting, public speaking and entrepreneurship.
There is something beautiful about that transformation. Sometimes life places an obstacle directly in front of the very thing we are destined to become.
And perhaps the obstacle is not there to stop us. Perhaps it is helping us develop the strength required to become that person.
When Life Became Painful
But Riley’s challenges did not end with childhood. Life would later introduce her to a much deeper kind of pain.
She experienced tremendous personal loss. Both of her parents died within a year of each other. Then came September 11, 2001. The attacks shook New York City and the world.
For Riley, the tragedy was painfully personal. She lost nine firefighter friends when the second tower collapsed.
Then, while pregnant with twins and shortly after giving birth, she experienced another devastating loss.
She had been involved in a Big Brothers Big Sisters program and had helped raise a young boy named Dexter as part of that experience.
One Sunday morning in July, Dexter was murdered by another young person attempting to gain acceptance into a gang. He was reportedly walking from a haircut toward church when his life was violently taken away.
There are moments when life seems to deliver more pain than a person should reasonably be expected to carry.
Losing parents, friends, a child she had helped nurture, becoming a mother to twins, living through a national tragedy.
All of these things could have broken her spirit, but they did not have the final word.
The Crossroads
Adversity eventually brings us to a crossroads.
One road says, “Give up.” The other says, “Find a way forward.” The second road does not mean pretending that the pain does not exist.
It means refusing to allow the pain to determine the rest of your life. Riley chose to move forward.
She continued pursuing her career in acting and television hosting, but along the way she discovered another opportunity.
Television shopping was becoming an emerging platform, and Riley discovered that her ability to communicate, demonstrate products and connect with audiences could be turned into something much bigger.
She did not simply participate in the industry. Riley helped pioneer a new approach to selling products on television.
That required something she had developed throughout her life: the willingness to step into unfamiliar territory.
She had already learned that being different was not necessarily a weakness. Now she turned that difference into an advantage.
Turning Creativity Into Opportunity
One of the remarkable things about Riley’s story is her willingness to experiment. She did not allow conventional thinking to dictate what she could become.
Her experience eventually led to the creation of SpinGym, a fitness product that became a significant part of her entrepreneurial journey.
But the product itself is only one part of the story. The bigger story is the person behind it. She understood that success is often connected to the ability to communicate an idea.
An entrepreneur may have a great product, but if he cannot explain its value, people may never understand why they need it.
Don’t Waste Your Pain
There is a difference between suffering and learning from suffering. Pain by itself does not automatically make us stronger.
What we do with the pain matters. Two people can experience the same setback and emerge completely differently.
One may become bitter. The other may become wiser.
One may close the door to life. The other may discover a new direction.
Riley’s story challenges us to ask an important question whenever adversity enters our lives: What can this experience teach me?
That question does not minimise the pain. It simply refuses to allow the pain to become meaningless.
Your failed business can teach you. The rejection can teach you. Your difficult childhood can teach you. Your mistakes can teach you.
Even seasons of loneliness can teach you.
We should never romanticise suffering. Some experiences are genuinely painful and should never have happened.
But when suffering comes, we can still choose what we will build from it.
You Are the Sum of the Obstacles You Overcome
There is a temptation to look at successful people and focus only on what they have achieved.
We see the awards, businesses, and television appearances, but behind many successful people is a long list of obstacles nobody saw.
Forbes Riley’s story permits us to look at our own obstacles differently.
Perhaps the thing you are fighting today is developing tomorrow’s strength. Your obstacles may not be the end of your story.
They may be part of the making of your story. So do not despise the process.
Do not surrender because the road has become difficult, because perhaps Forbes Riley was right: You are the sum of the obstacles you overcome.
And one day, when you look back at the road behind you, you may discover that the very obstacles you once prayed would disappear were helping to build the person you were destined to become.
