Clayton and I have an arranged marriage—not by our planning but by God’s divine orchestration.
The King of Kings ensured that, despite our intentions, He guided our lives and led us to fall in love and marry, fulfilling His plan. Amen!
Our marriage isn’t perfect, but God is perfecting it by refining us daily. Amen! We love our journey together. We didn’t have to search for a spouse or seek each other out. The Lord simply made sure our paths crossed at the right moment—His perfect timing, Kairos. We rejoice in the work of His hands!
Here are some of the key practices that have helped us build a strong marriage:
Marriage Tip #1: Pray for Your Spouse.
Prayer is a powerful expression of love. When we pray for someone, we are putting love into action! Praying together as a couple is even more powerful. If you haven’t started praying together yet, ask the Lord to provide the right timing and words to approach your spouse about it. Unity in prayer is vital in a Christian marriage, especially in these turbulent times.
Marriage Tip #2: Revisit Your Wedding Day.
Every six months, watch your wedding video, flip through photos, or look at screenshots on your computer. As you do, recite your vows to each other, following along with the video or photos. Each time Clayton and I do this, we are reminded of God’s grace in bringing us together.
We’re especially grateful for how God provided everything we needed for our wedding, even replacing the communion bread when the wafers we brought got soaked in transit to the church. We both had given up on ever being married, but God’s plans are far greater than ours. Revisiting your wedding day will remind you of what a precious gift from God your marriage is!
Marriage Tip #3: Listen to Your Spouse with Full Attention
Even when you don’t feel like it, listen attentively to your spouse. You want them to do the same for you, don’t you?
Marriage Tip #4: Listen Without Offering Advice
When your spouse is speaking, resist the urge to give advice—just listen. If your mind starts to wander, refocus. Your spouse and your marriage are worth your full attention, and this will help you stay connected to what’s happening in your life, which is both your privilege and duty.
Marriage Tip #5: Worship Together—Beyond Church
Worship is not just for Sundays. Find a worship song you both love and sing together—whether with music or a cappella. God inhabits the praises of His people, and though it might feel awkward at first, it will soon become a cherished activity. Another form of worship is to speak God’s Word aloud together—He delights in hearing His Word.
Clayton and I often sing to the Lord in the car, not just on Sundays. Sometimes we go to the park, where Clayton plays the guitar, and we sing. We’ve even waltzed under the park gazebo, holding hands and praying. Once, a passerby commented, “That is so COOL!”—so, not only are we worshiping, but we’re also being a witness for God and strong marriages. Try it!
Marriage Tip #6: Laugh Together Often
Laughter is essential in a marriage. If you don’t have any private jokes yet, start creating some! Rent a funny video—preferably from a Christian store—and be discerning about what you watch. Always check with God first! If you don’t feel peace about something, avoid it. The Holy Spirit gives us discernment, and as our loving Father, He wants only the best for us. Remember, what you allow into your mind and heart matters, so guard them carefully!
These tips have strengthened our marriage, and we pray they bless you as well!
Marriage Tip #7: Explore New Foods and Activities Together
Trying new and fun activities doesn’t have to be expensive. I once heard a famous worship leader share on a Christian radio station that he and his wife enjoy sampling sweet snacks at different restaurants, without committing to a full meal—just to have fun and spend time together.
My husband and I have started walking together and exploring healthier eating options. It’s quite entertaining to discover how new healthy foods taste and how they benefit our bodies and minds, not to mention the added energy and strength we’ve gained.
Recently, we even tried an infrared sauna together (he went once; I’m doing a full month), and we’re planning to invest in one for personal use when the time is right.
Marriage Tip #8: Thank the Lord for Your Spouse Every Day
Make it a habit to thank the Lord daily for your spouse—especially when you’re feeling upset with them. Speak out loud about the things you appreciate and love about them. Speaking positive words aloud is powerful, so make sure to focus on the good.
If you’re struggling to find something positive to say, ask the Lord to help you, and ask Him to guard your words so you don’t speak negatively. Also, thank Him for His wisdom in bringing you together—your spouse may not be perfect, but they are perfect for you, or God wouldn’t have put you together.
“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways!” —Romans 11:33, ESV
Marriage Tip #9: Hold Hands Often
Hold hands in church, at the restaurant, in the car, in front of your kids, and when you pray together—whenever you can! It’s also wise to hold hands while disagreeing, as the physical contact serves as a reminder of your connection and can help keep you calm during tense moments. We’ve tried it both ways and found that holding hands during disagreements is more effective.
Marriage Tip #10: Take Time to Cool Off
There are times when one or both partners are so upset that all their energy is focused on overcoming negative emotions. In these situations, it’s best to avoid discussions until you’ve both cooled off. When emotions are in control, the logical mind often takes a back seat, and that’s when harsh words can slip out.
The enemy loves to push Christians out of a Spirit-controlled state—where we walk in the peace, joy, and love of the Lord—and into a fleshly, carnal nature where negative emotions take over. This can open the door for wrong thoughts and harsh words.
My husband and I have learned that it’s better to take a break and cool off before discussing issues. We usually go to separate rooms and start praising the Lord, reading the Word, or talking to God. As soon as we turn our focus back to God, we begin to regain control and get back into the Spirit. This practice is essential for everyday life, but especially before praying together or attending services.
Marriage Tip #11: Make Peace Before Praying Together
Don’t try to pray together until you’ve truly made peace with each other. In our early days, my husband and I would try to pray together while still upset, but we couldn’t get very far before realizing we needed to confess our feelings to the Lord and each other. Sometimes we’d spend hours talking before everything was settled, and then we’d have to repent of strife. But once we made peace, we could truly pray together, with fellowship restored between us and the Lord.
Marriage Tip #12: Laugh in the Face of the Enemy’s Accusations
When the enemy tries to accuse your spouse of you (and he will), laugh in his face and praise God. The enemy wouldn’t be attacking your marriage if it wasn’t already strong. Thank the Lord for blessing you with a spouse who loves Him and loves you—a person of integrity whom your heart safely trusts. Remember, God only gives His best.
Also, remember to cast your cares on the Lord regarding your spouse. It is God’s job, not yours (as I’ve learned), to bring about the needed improvements in your beloved.
Marriage Tip #13: Address Weaknesses with the Lord’s Guidance
As the Lord reveals areas that need correction, it’s important to address them and ask Him to show you how to achieve and maintain victory. This may involve avoiding situations that could tempt you or your spouse. Often, strongholds must be demolished through the power of the Word, prayer, and repentance. Courageously addressing these issues with your spouse’s agreement is incredibly powerful and requires honest communication. Problems don’t just disappear—strongholds must be torn down to move forward, and this usually requires the agreement of both spouses.
Marriage Tip #14: Ask the Lord to Honor Your Spouse Through You
Every day, preferably first thing in the morning, ask the Lord to honor your spouse through your words, deeds, and thoughts. Pray that He ministers to your beloved through you.
Marriage Tip #15: Remember Your Spouse’s Spiritual Identity
Ask the Lord to help you remember that your spouse, as a fellow believer, is also your brother or sister in Christ, and they are anointed to be your Covenant partner.
Marriage Tip #16: Honor Your Spouse Above All Others
Honor your spouse more than anyone else in your life, except the Lord Jesus Christ. This means placing your spouse above your children, parents, and everyone else. Discover how your spouse experiences honor, and ask the Lord to help you demonstrate it in ways that resonate with them. Sometimes, honoring your spouse means refraining from certain words or actions, within biblical guidelines. Trust the Holy Spirit to guide you—He knows all things!
Marriage Tip #17: Protect Your Marriage Spiritually
Bind the enemy from your marriage and plead the Blood of Jesus over it daily. Declare that your marriage grows stronger every day. This is one of the most important things you can do for this sacred earthly relationship.
We believe that if these tips are implemented, they will help strengthen any marriage. Remember, marriage represents the relationship we, the Church, have with Jesus Christ, our Heavenly Groom!
Tonja and her husband Clayton love God’s Word and live and love to minister it to others through teaching, books, music, art, and more. Over 50% of the profits from their business, Royal Voice Productions, goes to support ministries that advance God’s Kingdom throughout the world.
