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    My wife keeps airing our dirty laundry in public

    MannaXPRESS gossips My wife keeps airing our dirty laundry in public

    Any time my wife and I quarrel, she has a habit of discussing our business with her family and friends. Her version of what happened is always told in her favor. Her friends and family think I am such a villain. What will it take for my wife to stop airing our dirty laundry in public?

    [dropcap]L[/dropcap]adies, ladies. Sigh.

    How many of your girlfriends look cross-eyed at your husband because you tattled about all of his misdeeds (real, exaggerated, and imagined) early in your marriage, and now, even though he’s a better man, and you’re a better woman, they’re still convinced he’s doing you dirty?

    How many of you mothers enable your married daughters by entertaining her litany of complaints about her husband? And because of your own disappointments, you refuse to do the one thing that will help her the most—encourage, prod, and push her to work things out with her own husband, by God’s grace and wisdom and power?

    Let’s face it. When we’re hurt and offended by someone we’re close to, it’s easy for us to offer a self-serving version of the “facts.” Like a friend of mine often says, “There’s my side, there’s your side, and then there’s the truth.”

    That’s one part of the issue. But the deeper matter is our husband’s heart.

    You know, ladies, our husbands really don’t ask for a lot. After more than two decades of marriage, studying the Word of God, and listening to and observing a lot of married Christian men and women, Mrs. Happy has boiled it down to this:

    The Three Things Your Husband Longs for You to Do

    1. Honor and respect him. He needs this from you. It’s not optional. It’s tough for him to carry on his responsibilities as a provider, husband, and father when he’s greeted with silent (or not-so-silent) disapproval and looks of pained disappointment. Forgive the past—that’s not optional either (Matthew 6:15). Respect your husband because it’s right, and because this is what the Word of God tells us to do. There is something about him that you can encourage. If nothing else, he is due respect because he is made in the image of God and is precious to our Father. As you make a decision to respect him publicly and privately, God will begin to work in his heart. If you don’t respect him, his heart will become like a walled city (Proverbs 18:19).

    2. Respond to him sexually. I don’t mean just put up with sex—be responsive to his desires. You are more irresistible to him than you realize, and usually he finds your body a whole lot more attractive than you do. Show a little interest. When you’re sitting next to each other at home, touch him on his thigh…or wherever. He’ll love it—and he’ll get an electrifying message: She wants me.

    Believe it or not, your husband wants nothing more than to please you sexually, though he might have settled into a stale routine rooted in disappointment and a lack of knowledge and communication. And yes, I know that for many wives, sex isn’t any good, for a variety of reasons. We will get to that in later columns; just know that I care about your situation a lot. In the meantime, try to be generous with your body, as an act of faith. And pray for a breakthrough in the bedroom. You’ll be amazed at how much Jesus cares about every little detail of our lives.

    3. Protect his heart. We are back to our original question. Men don’t go to their friends and recount every little detail of their relationships, and they don’t want us doing the same. It comes down to loyalty—something that is of the utmost importance to your husband. We should be extremely cautious about sharing the negative details of our marriage with others. Only the most spiritually mature friends can handle it, and even that is tough for them. If your friend isn’t pointing you straight back to what the Word of God says about marriage—and encouraging you to work things out with your husband like you’ll never have another option for marriage—that isn’t the friend to talk to. Be warned: If you repeatedly violate your husband’s heart, the damage will accumulate and push him to a breaking point from which it will be very difficult to recover.

    Notice that I didn’t mention anything about children, cooking, cleaning, etc. If you do these three things, he doesn’t have to worry about the others. And trust me, he won’t care if you’re not Martha Stewart material.

    I know this all began with a man asking what to do about his indiscreet wife. Take her aside and tell her firmly but with respect that her words are damaging the marriage brick by brick (for wives only: Proverbs 14:1), and that this must stop. Then forgive her and seek God for wisdom to rebuild your home.

    Mrs. Happy has been married to one man for a long time.

    Mrs Happy
    Mrs Happy
    has been counseling married couples for years.

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    7 COMMENTS

    1. Mrs. Happy,
      I undrstand what you are saying but sometimes our husbands should listen to us as their spouse. When we discuss things as husband and wife and we decide that we are going to do A, B, C, He (the husband) should not go back on the decision that we made together. It makes me as his wife feel that I my opinion is not important and does not matter. Respect should come from the both of us. I am just asying.

    2. When my daughter was dating her now husband of 17 years, she used to tell me every detail of their arguments…..every mean thing he said to her. I finally told her that the next day when they had made up I was still angry with him for the way he treated my child and was still holding that in my heart. Both of them have grown up and have a good marriage now. Just remember, it takes us longer to forgive the other person who hurts you if we care about you more than the other person.

    3. I totally respect these tips. We do need to stop exploiting our life to the world. However, how do you respect and honor him if he won’t stop cheating. I know God wants us to save our marriage, but is there a fine line when you just say… No more and still honor God? Aids is real and spouses out their risking their marriage and most of all an innocent persons life. If i stay and keep honoring a man that keeps being disobedient to me n Christ. How do you submit yourself sexually and basically give him what he wants when he’s constantly betraying you? If he says I don’t want to use protection n you refuse to give him what he wants because of the constant disappointments…is that your fault?

    4. If we have entered in to “THE INSTITUTIONAL COVENANT OF MARRIAGE AS GOD ORDAINED” we then MUST BE with the UNDERSTANDING the COVENANT BELONGS TO GOD…Our Husbands are to Listen to GOD, just as we ARE:1 TIMOTHY 2:A woman[a] should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man;[b] she must be quiet.
      MARRIAGE IS FOR GOD, IN GOD, BY GOD, AND WITH GOD…When GOD SAYS: “LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER (AS-UNDER) this includes HUSBANDS AND WIVES AS WELL…

    5. What should I do if my husband just want me to mother him. Hi ideal of being a father is to go to work come home relax or sleep and do the same the next day. While I take care of him and the 3 children.

      I can’t depend on him or have a serious conversation with him that requires any effort on his part even if it is good for the family.

      Sex is the only thing he finds time to do with me. Never take the kids anywhere or wanna do anything with them other than taking a nap.

      I am tired. I work 40 hours a week and the rest of my time is spent stressing over fokes who expects me to take care of their needs.

    6. Mrs. Happy…I am your number one fan. Your counsel is always on point. I need to come to you for a one on one session.

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