I can’t believe it’s already 5 years since this thread. This year makes it 30 years I’ve been married. I said we would continue the thread another time. That time is now. As before, this thread is addressed to my fellow men and won’t work for everybody.
Here are key tips for maintaining a successful marriage with your wife:
Her phone charger will go bad before yours. Nobody knows why this happens. It is one of the world’s great mysteries. If you use the same type of phone, buy a new charger cable every week. Don’t be petty and use a sticker to mark your charger. You are no longer in boarding school.😂
Remember that it is your duty to charge the power banks. She will take anyone that is fully charged, so you might as well charge all. She does many things for you. Charging the power banks is the least you can do. Also, make sure you change them every couple of years or so.
When she lends you money, she will remind you 100 times before the due date that repayment is due soon. Just smile about it. Any money she lends you registers in her mind as if she GAVE it to you as a gift. That you paid it back doesn’t register at all. Don’t let that annoy you.
Some men have joint accounts with their partners but it’s wise to have some separate money that you don’t have to explain how you spend. There are some demands on you as a man from your extended family that you can’t always justify to her but that you need to do to keep her safe.
When she’s in the kitchen, keep her company, gist with her but also make yourself useful. Cutting onions or peeling bullion cubes makes you involved in a good way. It would be good if you have a special dish that she looks forward to. Mine was stew but I haven’t done it in ages.
If it is just both of you (no children or domestic help) it is your responsibility to do the dishes after a meal she has cooked. She may protest but you should insist. Washing plates is actually quite therapeutic. It is also a role reversal: you in the kitchen, she gisting with you.
Women’s clothes tend not to have pockets like men’s. So, her phone will often be in her bag or wherever she last used it. If you want to be able to reach her all the time, buy her a smartwatch that will vibrate on her wrist.
You may spend a lot of money on a smartwatch, like an Apple Watch, and she still won’t wear it. You need to give her a health-related reason to wear it all the time. Women take their health much more seriously than we men. “Darling, it will even monitor your pulse and heartbeat.”😊
When you are out with her and friends, try not to talk too much. At the same time, don’t be cold and boring. Don’t talk about what you don’t know. Don’t name-drop. Let it be others that talk about how connected you are. Be gracious, smile a lot and exude confidence.
At a party with her, don’t drink too much and make a fool of yourself. Be funny in a self-deprecating way. Women like men that can laugh at their own selves and are not afraid to show they are not perfect. But don’t start to display like a clown…unless you are paid to do so.
Whatever you do, don’t ever make your woman feel insecure. Using another woman to make her feel jealous is immature and daft. Don’t. Instead, tell her you’ll always be with her. No divorce. No separation. Ever. Whatever else she worries about, she shouldn’t worry about that one.
Any engine that you don’t service regularly will give you trouble. Make sure you change her oil often. She will run smoothly and will not give you trouble often. Remember that it is your job to arrange an oil change often. Don’t wait until you see the “check engine” light. 😉
You and I know that we men are not good alone. When she’s not in town, throw yourself into work, read that book you’ve been meaning to read and go on Netflix. Stay away from temptation. It has a way of looking for you when your wife is not around.
Finally, some of these things are aspirational even for me. For instance, I won’t be buying her that Apple Watch until next month. Okay. That’s enough for now. Let’s continue another time. Hopefully, it won’t take another 5 years before we do so. Good luck. ✌🏽
POSTSCRIPT: Some men have asked me what they benefit from treating a good woman well. Here are some:
1. She’ll treat you as the “Alpha Male” you so desperately want to be😊
2. You’ll live longer
3. Good food, peace and a happy home
4. She’ll respect your decision when you say No.✌🏽
Dr. Joe abah is an author and often writes on governance and institutions. Follow him on Twitter @DrJoeAbah.