Is Masturbation wrong?



    One thing Mrs. Happy discovered during a bit of research is that Bible-believing Christians disagree sharply on this subject. Why so much disagreement? Because the Bible never mentions masturbation, not even once. Any argument on either side must be built on general Scriptural principles; the Word of God declines to say “do” or “don’t.”

    What is masturbation, anyway? That’s not as silly a question as you think. Masturbation shouldn’t be confused with self-stimulation during sex with one’s spouse, which Mrs. Happy heartily endorses if it helps the woman reach climax. And it isn’t the same as a husband or wife stimulating each other with their hands. Masturbation is sex by yourself, for yourself. It is by its nature a self-centered act.

    Masturbation doesn’t build relationship, yet we serve a God of relationship. It doesn’t encourage, point to, or preserve intimacy, as married sex does. It doesn’t promote love, the more excellent way (1 Corinthians 12:31); it is all about me.

    Masturbation is childish. Like other selfish practices, such as bragging, being impatient, or indulging in rivalries, it is something a believer should grow out of. We should purpose to set it aside as we mature in Christ (1 Corinthians 13:11).

    Consider a few facts. Masturbation is a normal part of a child’s development. Just about every mom can attest that their sons go through a phase where they’re quite fascinated with touching their private parts; in adolescence, this usually leads to the discovery that they can experience pleasure this way. Many girls make the same discovery, sometimes before they even know anything about sex. Masturbation is just part of growing up.

    Here’s a physiological fact that women don’t always understand: Beginning in adolescence, a man’s body is continually producing semen, the fluid that contains sperm. This fluid builds up in his body to a point where it is very uncomfortable and must be released. He releases it one of three ways: Through sexual activity with another person, through masturbation, or through a spontaneous emission that often takes place while he is asleep. Either way, the fluid gets released. It is a fact of life men have to live with.

    As adolescents, we begin to make choices about how to resolve our strong, God-given sexual desires. A young man or young woman who fears God should pursue practices that feed the spirit, not the flesh. Masturbation obviously feeds the flesh. But I’ll just go ahead and say it—masturbation can be really tough to eliminate completely amidst the turbulent emotions and urges of the teen years and in a media culture that continually presents sexual provocation. Run after God with all your heart and all your strength, but don’t fall into condemnation because you have masturbated occasionally. Repent and move on.

    While masturbation might be difficult to avoid completely, it can lead to serious sin and difficulties in marriage. Impure thoughts usually accompany masturbation, and the more you give way to these thoughts, the tougher it is to control your flesh. Also, it is a lot easier to please yourself than it is to please your husband or wife in a married sexual relationship. Even the physical actions of masturbation—which are designed to lead to climax as quickly as possible—condition a man to reach orgasm quickly, which isn’t helpful at all when you’re trying to please your wife. Good sex is truly for grownups; it doesn’t come automatically or easily. It happens when a husband and wife care enough about each other to be considerate and to take the time to learn how to satisfy the other person. For the most part, it only happens in marriage.

    Masturbation becomes a very serious problem when it is connected with pornography. Pornography turbocharges the flesh. Once you’re exposed to these images, it is very difficult to get rid of them. Mrs. Happy first came into contact with pornography when she was 16, and while she never sought it out after that, those images were etched in her brain for some 25 years before God erased them through confession and prayer. Consider that today pornography is much more easy to obtain and far more widespread. Many Christian men and women are entering into marriage immersed in these images—and it’s no wonder they’re finding it difficult to enjoy each other sexually and in a way that doesn’t stain the conscience. (If you’re struggling with impure thoughts or a broken sexual past, begin by praying Psalm 51. Consider confessing your sin to a mature Christian of the same sex as well and joining with them in prayer.)

    Do you masturbate, even though you’ve been in Christ for many years? Grow up. Especially if you’re married. It’s time to put away childish things. We don’t take all our money and blow it on candy anymore, and we shouldn’t act like adolescents in marriage. Confess to God—and your spouse if need be—receive grace, and get on with your growth in Christ.

    Just a private word to godly wives: Masturbation really is different for a man, because of the buildup of semen and the physical need for release. Don’t be harsh with your husband if he masturbates once in a while. God provided a righteous outlet for his desires: sex with you. Take care that you and your husband have sex often enough that he isn’t put in a position where he feels like he has to masturbate just to be able to focus on work and life.

    This also applies to husbands. Take care to sexually please your wife. Her body might be built differently from yours, but she needs regular sexual release too—to help her regulate her moods and stay healthy in body and soul.

    Mrs. Happy has been married to one man for a long time. She enjoys reading and sometimes responding to your comments at www.mannaexpressonline.com.


    Mrs Happy
    Mrs Happy
    has been counseling married couples for years.

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    1. so blessed by this article. Not many people out there willing to talk about what all people have on their minds constantly.
      people have to be taught that sexuality is God given and a good thing. Not something lewd and sinful.

    2. If your argument is true that men and women have a physiological need for sexual release, what would you propose for God-fearing believers who are unmarried? Just give it up. This doesn’t seem like a balanced argument. Lauren Winner’s book, Real Sex is a good resource on this topic. I give the author here kudos,.though, for broaching a taboo topic.

    3. 🙂 Masturbation is wrong. Young people must be taught that Our Father God in Heaven sees all, hears ll, knows all. So if they succomb to the spirit of masturbation, God is watching. They also need to be taught the angels that have been assigned to them are watching as well. And if they are taught about Heaven, Heaven is wacthing also. Masturbation is a sin because it opens the door to demonic influence that can lead to serious consequences, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Masturbation is a sin door that allows satan to send other familiar spirtis to comprimise the souls of our youth. Once he has done that, he then has a foothold in thier lives and spirits. The churches must teach how to abstain from the fleshly desires. There are ways that families along with sound doctrine can show our children how to live clean and avoid dangers of this sick world.

    4. Sunshine,
      Have you and your Mr. Happy talked about your desire for sex, and the lack of it? I encourage you to do so. There are reasons why a spouse draws back from sex. Some of them can be resolved through communication; some can’t. Pray first, and ask God to set a time and place for this conversation. Thank God for your marriage and for your husband’s love for you. If there are health issues, ask Mr. Happy if he will use his hands to bring you to climax.

    5. I’ve been asking God about this subject, I do fear God that’s why I ask for His input. So that being stated, how do I circum to the pressure…? I mean this is tough stuff, I know if God just said it was okay then everyone would be in there house masturbating right now… ya know I’m just joking but we would definitely have a major problem. So maybe He left it out for a reason, and gives us discernment to choose properly a time to release pent up stress… I dunno this really didn’t help me at all since I’m not married and you label me as “childish”… what about us, I don’t march round practicing it daily but I need some Real answers. God bless you 🙂

    6. What do you do when husband is not physically able and you are ten years younger and you still have a strong and very high sex drive? Is there a resolution for that? I am a very strong christian but, I still suffer.

    7. So the truth is ,is it wrong or not ,I have health problem in that area ,I love my wife but she dose not let me have sex with her because of My problem there i can not please her only with My hand but she never wants to help me in that area am i wrong for takeing CARE of My self when she wont please tell me mrs i am not doing it to be selfish i would love her to be involved to.i realy love god And want to please him so am i sinning when i think of My wife And Our youth And The way it use to be before i got old when i take CARE of My needs please tell me

    8. This article seems very chauvinist and out of touch with reality. Just because masturbation is different physiologically for men and women, that does not mean that men get a pass and women do not. We have needs too and should not be repressed because it is healthy to release anxiety and stress for us too. But as with everything in life, moderation is key. As long as you control the kinds of thoughts you have while doing it as well. But in this day and age and after all the scientific info we have, we must not try to repress what is normal, that’s how bad things happen, when people try to take things to the extremes and forget it’s just part of how we are made. But who every made this is still living in the ancient times with those extreme views where man are superior than women and women’s needs, (even if they are part of who God made them to be) are to be repressed and dismissed. Please!

    9. Realistic,
      If you read my other columns, you would see that I consider sexual satisfaction just as important for wives as for husbands. Also, I did not give men a “pass.” I encouraged husbands and wives to understand each other and respect how God has made them. Your argument concerning repression is in line with modern psychology, but it is not in line with the Word of God, the final authority for life and doctrine. God has given us grace to live godly lives right here and now (Titus 2:11-14), and that includes saying “‘no’…to worldly passions…”

    10. R.W., I sympathize with your situation. I pray that you and your wife come to an understanding. Until then, you do well to keep your thoughts focused on your wife. Believe it or not, God is touched by your infirmity. Ask Him for more grace. He cares about every aspect of your life.

    11. JG,
      Take sin seriously, as Jesus did; do the best you can to control your thought life; and continue to grow in grace. Grace not only covers us, it empowers us.


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