My Workaholic Husband Keeps Ignoring My Need For Attention

    [dropcap]M[/dropcap]y husband works very hard and comes home tired almost every day. We do not really have an active social life. When we go on vacation, he spends the time sleeping. I hate to say this, but I am getting bored and beginning to detest this side of my husband. A pay cut and an active social life would be priceless at this time.

    There’s a flaw in how you’re framing this problem: It’s all about you.

    Step back a moment, and think about the man you married, this man you love. His behavior isn’t normal. I assume he hasn’t always been this way. What changed? When did it change? Do you know why?

    Do you know your husband’s heart? If not, why not?

    Your husband sounds discouraged or depressed. He is using work to fill his time. When he isn’t working, sleep fills his time. For some reason, home is not a refuge for him. It isn’t a place where he feels appreciated, replenished, or relaxed.

    I’m not blaming it on you. There could be many reasons why he’s behaving this way. But he needs help from the person he’s closest to—you. You will hurt him and not help him, however, unless you are guided by the perfect wisdom of God.

    Don’t harangue him, demanding answers. Yes, I know that lack of communication is part of the problem here. But Mrs. Happy has noticed that the men in her life have a strange capacity for not seeing the elephant in the room, even when it’s snorting, grunting, and squashing their left big toe. In other words, your husband may or may not know what the problem is himself, even though it’s pretty obvious to you.

    Now go before God in prayer. It doesn’t need to be some fancy, complicated thing: “Lord, you see my husband’s heart. You see my heart, and you judge it righteously. Help me to be the wife my husband needs me to be right now. I love you, Jesus. Amen.”

    If you are sincere, I guarantee that Jesus will immediately drop in your spirit something you can do right now to be that wife God called you to be. Obey Him now, and ask questions later. He might also give you an insight into your husband’s heart. Be a wise woman, and keep it to yourself. Don’t unload it on him or your girlfriend. Instead, use that insight to pray targeted, specific prayers in private.

    Begin reading the book of Proverbs—a chapter a day—and ask God to plant His wisdom in your heart. The Word of God will begin changing you, then your marriage.

    Mrs. Happy has a few pieces of secondary advice that may or may not be applicable. If your husband tends to be a bit of a recluse, like Mr. Happy—content to be in his comfortable home in his comfortable chair with his comfortable family, book in hand or planted before a silly TV show (highly intellectual fare such as America’s Funniest Home Videos, ahem)—he might need a gentle kick in the backside to be more social. Mrs. Happy has learned to simply schedule an event, such as a casual Sunday lunch at one of his favorite places with people he likes too (or people Mrs. Happy knows he will like). Mrs. Happy then informs Mr. Happy that he is going. And Mr. Happy always ends up having fun. Mrs. Happy, however, takes care not to overdo it; an event a week seems to work well for the Happy family.

    What are the things your husband likes the most, that make him feel good, that help him recharge his batteries? (Hint: I’ll bet it’s not a marathon of lengthy revival services.) I suggest doing some of those things.

    Mrs. Happy came up with the following list of favorite everyday things for Mr. Happy, in no particular order:

    1. Food, especially meat.
    2. Sex.
    3. Doing fun stuff with the family that doesn’t require massive amounts of planning.
    4. Reading, especially about Special Forces soldiers.
    5. Going to movies, especially about war.

    Mrs. Happy checked her list with Mr. Happy, and she was spot-on.

    OK, godly wife. You can probably do a lot with your husband’s list, and it won’t even cost you much. Why not get started on it today?

    Mrs. Happy has been married to one man for a long time.

    Mrs Happy
    Mrs Happy
    has been counseling married couples for years.

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    1. i needed this. thank you so much. it’s so timely for me to be reminded that:

      1- i am not the center of the universe, and
      2 – God hears and answers prayer, even about this stuff. no–especially about this stuff–because He created marriage with an eye to reflecting the mysterious relationship of Jesus with His church.

      the way God deals with relationships are counter-intuitive; die to live, last shall be first, lead by serving. why wouldn’t the same be true in marriage?



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