My captivity in the land of masturbation
I was once enmeshed in the sordid act of masturbation even though I was already a practicing Christian. I frequently cried from conviction many times after indulging in the act. It was a tortuous addiction, torment, and a prison of self-destruction that the demon behind this evil act chained my soul to.
I prayed countless times to God to deliver me from masturbation but it seemed like God never heard me. I masturbated two to three times a day and after each round, I used to sob, ask God to forgive me, and promise I would never do it again. After praying, I would bathe or clean up and sometimes change my clothing. A temporary feeling of overcoming will come over me and then boom, I will find myself doing it all over again. Like a programmed zombie, I would reach for my phone and put on a porn movie. While at it, I used to enjoy the pleasure it brought and wished it never ended. Can you believe I used to end up masturbating at the same spot where I offered a prayer of repentance to God minutes earlier? This is how twisted my life used to be. Whenever I finished, I usually detested the act and hated myself for being so weak. My remorse was always fleeting because before I knew it, the cycle started all over again.
My struggle was real. I kept wondering how I was going to break away from this sickness that seemed incurable. At some point, a good friend of mine I confided in, told me there was no remedy for breaking free from an addiction to masturbation. The day I heard this, I said to myself: “I am finished!” and remembered this scripture with a lot of sorrow in my heart: “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death!” – Romans 7:24
How I finally broke free from masturbation
One day, I was invited to a Christian discipleship meeting where I prayed my heart out during the prayer session. That night, I had a dream where it was revealed to me how carelessness, pride, and prayerlessness opened the door and led me into the bondage of masturbation. I saw a demon that paraded as a woman wrestling with me. I instantly gave up the fight, surrendered to her seductive demand, and ended up masturbating into a cup. To my horror, I saw her drinking whatever was in the cup. I was also shown how this evil spirit caresses the body of men to arouse lustful passion in them to masturbate even in an atmosphere of prayer. This might sound absurd but it is what I saw in my dream.
I woke up and pondered everything. I was convinced the dream had revealed the secret behind my predicament so I could be redeemed from it. I was vexed with a strong determination to end my shameful affair with masturbation as soon as possible.
So knowing full well that whenever I prayed a demon was present to tempt me as revealed in my dream, it was time to declare war on my flesh. I repented of my sin, pleaded the blood of Jesus, and prayed using powerful scriptural declarations as I had never prayed in my life. During this time, the Holy Spirit instructed me to speak directly to my body and slap it gently to avoid the distraction of any foul spirit attempting to lure me back to my vomit. I was no longer ready to nullify my prayer by succumbing to temptation. It was time for total mortification of my flesh, so I could live in obedience to God. “Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin” – 1 Peter 4:1.
I obeyed the command of the Holy Spirit, by decreeing the Word of God over my life and softly hitting my body by faith as though I were chasing out the stranger of sexual immorality that resided in it. The pain didn’t matter at this point because I wanted my freedom very badly. There was no room for retreat or surrender. “If I perish I perish” was my attitude.
It was not easy waiting in the place of praise, worship, fasting, and prayer for my deliverance. Temptation kept knocking on the door of my flesh but my spirit refused to let it in. God did not leave or forsake me during this process. I meditated on the Book of Romans Chapters 5, 6, 7, and 8 and also on Galatians Chapter 5. Then I waited upon the Lord in the total silence of body, mind, and spirit till his glory rubbed on me like Moses. Where the light of God is, darkness must flee! As I decreased for God to increase in my life, the urge to masturbate kept decreasing till it eventually disappeared into the abyss of old things that passed away. God delivered and gave me victory over my flesh. The urge never came back and it will never come back, in Jesus’ name. Glory be to God!
See also: Is Masturbation wrong?
Romans 8:12-13 tells us: “For if you live according to [the dictates of] the flesh, you will surely die. But if through the power of the [Holy] Spirit you are [habitually] putting to death (making extinct, deadening) the [evil] deeds prompted by the body, you shall [really and genuinely] live forever.”
Also Colossians 3:5 echoes: “So kill (deaden, deprive of power) the evil desire lurking in your members [those animal impulses and all that is earthly in you that is employed in sin]: sexual vice, impurity, sensual appetites, unholy desires, and all greed and covetousness, for that, is idolatry (the deifying of self and other created things instead of God).”
Maintaining my deliverance to date
It is one thing to be delivered and another to maintain your deliverance. The Spirit of God warned me that the demon would attempt to return and succeed if I didn’t consciously block all openings that gave it access in the first place. “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean, and put in order – Matthew 12:43-44. I had to run far away from certain social media platforms with barely dressed women, books and movies with lustful content, songs with sexual and immoral lyrics, and unfriendly friends. These were replaced with a godly appetite that consisted of reading and meditating on scriptures, fasting, praying, worshiping, reading books that edify and develop, keeping good friends, and staying away from sin. It might seem impossible but trust me, it is possible.
Prayer cures the symptom but habit determines its relapse or permanent remission. This is why when some people pray and obtain deliverance, in no time, they find themselves doing the same thing all over again and wondered what happened. It is simply because praying alone without taking deliberate action is not sustainable. The action you take after prayer will determine your permanent result. In short, make it a lifestyle, not a temporary fix, so your liberation isn’t temporary.
I pray my testimony encourages those addicted to masturbation. There is nothing impossible with God. When there is a will, there is a way. If He did it for me, He can do it for you. Just make up your mind, surrender, let the Spirit of God take over, and do your part. It is hard at first but trust me, it gets easier and better with time.
I join my faith with yours in praying for the manifestation of the Lord’s deliverance power in your life, in Jesus’ name. God bless you as you take this important step of liberation from the yoke of masturbation.
Hisservice is a born again Christian and minister on a mission to spark hope in the hearts of people experiencing on thing or the other. He writes on various issues that affect the mind, body and spirit.
