Does God Expect Me to Stay With a Husband Who Keeps Cheating?

Hello Mrs. Happy:

How do you respect and honor a husband who cheats? I know God wants us to save our marriage, but is there a point when you can say, “No more,” and still honor God? HIV is real, and an unfaithful spouse can put an innocent person’s health at risk. How am I supposed to submit sexually and give my husband what he wants when he continues to betray me? If he refuses to use protection and I refuse to have sex with him because of his continued infidelity, am I doing something wrong? – Mrs. T.

Dear Mrs. T.,

Your desire to honor God does not require you to pretend that repeated adultery has not damaged your marriage. Nor does marriage require you to ignore legitimate concerns about your physical and emotional well-being.

Your husband’s infidelity is not a minor marital disagreement. It is a serious breach of trust and of the commitment you made to one another. Scripture describes marriage as a covenant in Malachi 2:14, while Hebrews 13:4 speaks of honoring marriage and keeping the marriage bed undefiled. The responsibility for violating that commitment belongs to the person who chose to be unfaithful.

That distinction matters because betrayed spouses sometimes begin asking themselves whether setting boundaries makes them responsible for further problems in the marriage. It does not. Refusing sex because you are concerned that your husband’s ongoing sexual relationships could expose you to an infection is not the same as vindictively withholding affection. It is a boundary concerning your health and safety.

Sexually transmitted infections do not always produce symptoms, which means someone may have an infection without knowing it. If your spouse has had other sexual partners, talk with a healthcare professional about appropriate STI and HIV testing and about what precautions are appropriate for your circumstances.

Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Reconciliation

One of the most important distinctions in situations like yours is the difference between forgiveness, reconciliation, and restored trust.

As Christians, we are called to forgive. But forgiveness does not mean pretending nothing happened, immediately restoring trust, or repeatedly exposing yourself to the same behavior. Reconciliation requires the participation of both people. Trust, once broken, usually has to be rebuilt through honesty, accountability, and consistent change over time.

That brings us to repentance.

Biblical repentance is more than saying, “I’m sorry.” John the Baptist told people to “produce fruit in keeping with repentance” in Matthew 3:8. In other words, genuine repentance becomes visible through changed behavior.

For a spouse who has repeatedly committed adultery, that could mean ending outside relationships, telling the truth, accepting appropriate accountability, undergoing STI testing, respecting the betrayed spouse’s boundaries and doing the difficult work necessary to rebuild trust. Promises without corresponding change should not be mistaken for restored trust.

Does the Bible Require You to Stay?

Christians do not all interpret every biblical passage concerning divorce and remarriage in exactly the same way. Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 address sexual immorality, while 1 Corinthians 7 discusses abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Many Christians understand these passages as permitting divorce under certain circumstances, including sexual immorality, although Christian traditions differ over precisely how these passages should be applied. 

What is clear is that Scripture does not treat adultery casually.

That does not mean every marriage affected by infidelity must end. Marriages can survive devastating betrayal when there is genuine repentance, accountability, and a mutual commitment to rebuilding what has been broken. But reconciliation cannot be accomplished by one spouse alone. You cannot repent on your husband’s behalf, and you cannot rebuild trust while he continues doing what destroyed it.

If he genuinely wants reconciliation, his actions should begin demonstrating that desire.

Protecting Yourself Does Not Mean You Have Failed God

You asked specifically whether refusing unprotected sex makes this your fault. No. You are not obligated to put your health at risk to prove that you respect your husband or that you are committed to your marriage.

If there has been a recent possible exposure to HIV, medical advice can also be time-sensitive. CDC guidance says post-exposure prophylaxis, or PEP, must be started within 72 hours of a possible exposure to HIV, and the sooner it is started, the better. 

Please consider getting support beyond conversations between you and your husband. A licensed marriage counselor or therapist can help you work through the betrayal and determine what healthy boundaries should look like. A trusted pastor or mature Christian mentor can provide spiritual counsel, while a healthcare professional can advise you about STI testing and protecting your physical health.

You do not have to decide the entire future of your marriage today. But you are allowed to take the betrayal seriously.

Forgiveness may be something you choose before trust is restored. Reconciliation, however, requires two people willing to repair what has been broken. And restored trust should be built on more than apologies. It needs truth, accountability, and sustained evidence of change.

Honoring God does not require calling an unsafe situation healthy or pretending that repeated betrayal does not matter. Whatever you ultimately decide about your marriage, seek wisdom, protect your health, and give yourself permission to require something more substantial than another promise that things will change.

Mrs. Happy has been married to one man for a long time.