Help! I Can’t Find My Dad!

Consider These American Father Facts:

• Marriage and Divorce: 50 to 60 percent of first marriages end within the first 15 years.
• Custody: When divorce occurs, mothers usually get custody of the children.
• Father Absence: 24 million children in the United States live without their biological father.
• Lack of Contact: About 40 percent of children who do not live with their biological fathers have not seen him in the past 12 months; more than half have never been to his home; and 26 percent of those fathers live in a different state from their children.
• Beliefs About Family: 90 percent of Americans believe children should live in the same house with their mother and father.
• Concerns About Single Parenthood: 85 percent of Americans believe the number of children born to single parents is a serious issue.
• Children Without Fathers: Almost 18 million children in grades 1 to 12 do not live with their biological father.
• Racial Disparities: About 27 percent of white children, 35 percent of Hispanic children, and 66 percent of black children do not live with their biological father.
• Out-of-Wedlock Births: In 2000, about 27 percent of white mothers, 43 percent of Hispanic mothers, and 70 percent of black mothers had births out of wedlock.
• Legal Identification: In 1996, more than nine million children under 18 who were born out of wedlock did not have a father who was legally identified.
• Impact of Divorce: Studies suggest boys might be more adversely affected by divorce than girls. Female college students with divorced parents are more likely to develop depression, have relationship problems, and have children out of wedlock.

• Abuse by Stepfathers: One study suggests children with stepfathers are three times more likely to be abused. Another indicates that 17 percent of female victims were sexually abused by their stepfather.
• Incarcerated Fathers: The fathers of more than one million children in the United States are in prison. African-American children are nine times more likely than white children to have an incarcerated parent. (Reproduced from Father Facts, 4th Edition, 2002.)

From these alarming statistics, if we could hear the voices of children affected by these circumstances, they would be crying, “Help! Where is my dad?” This cry highlights their need for the physical, emotional, and spiritual presence of their fathers.

Having become a “half-orphan” due to the loss of my biological father when I was about 2 months old, I experienced firsthand the complications and deprivations of growing up without a father in the home.

The numbers don’t lie; the grim statistics on fatherhood in America today urgently need attention to safeguard the destinies of our children now and for future generations.

The message from the last prophet of the Old Testament, recorded in the last verse of the last chapter of the last book, Malachi 4:6, speaks volumes to our present generation of fathers: “Give them good examples.”

God is calling on fathers to return to their children; otherwise, His judgment is inevitable.

There are different kinds of fathers: responsible fathers, runaway fathers, absentee fathers, and irresponsible fathers. God issues a warning with dire consequences for the disobedient generation because all children are God’s heritage, but some have become victims of human indiscretion.

What Should We as Fathers Do to Heed Our Children’s Cry?

Give Them Good Examples

Fathers are the best role models for our sons and examples of good husbands for our daughters. To serve as a good model, we must be one ourselves. We teach what we know and reproduce who we are. What a man does not have, he cannot give. Our children are calling us to live godly and responsibly. We are the first life manual they will read.

Give Them Yourself

Many fathers try to make up for their physical and emotional absence by giving their children things. However, things can never replace your presence. Children primarily want their fathers’ presence, not material gifts. By the time children are 12, they will have learned 75 percent of all they will ever know about living responsibly. The question is, who will be their teachers? Their peers? Television? Popular culture? Or some drug-addicted artist?

Give Them Your Best When They Need It

Bob Gass, writer of “The Word for You Today” devotional, says if you spend all your energy at work and leave none for your family, you will pay a high price. A career-addicted life at the expense of quality relationships and time with the family will lead to regret and misery. Your children will either grow up to resent you and repeat your mistakes or rejoice in the home that love built with the bricks of time. Give them the best of your time and quality attention when they need it. They won’t be here forever, and neither will you.

Give Them Spiritual Direction

God has given us the responsibility as fathers to set the spiritual atmosphere for our family. Sadly, many fathers cannot even put a sentence of prayer together and are clueless about spiritual leadership in the home. Mothers often end up doing the spiritual running around, standing in the gap in prayer for their children, and taking them to church. Yet, God holds fathers responsible for the spiritual training of their children. Ephesians 6:4: “And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

As fathers, the things we spend all our time on today will not top our priority list in 10 or 20 years. This Father’s Day, we should each ask ourselves, “Will the man I am today be proud of the father I will be in my 60s and 70s?”