[dropcap]M[/dropcap]rs. Happy noticed something while raising a son: He experienced the world by touch. He had to set his little paw on everything, causing the occasional mini-disaster in the home and supermarket. (Ah, yes, the giant shattered pickle bottle at Tom Thumb grocery.) And when Mrs. Happy was attempting to discipline her son, she discovered that, for him to “hear” her, she often had to grab his shirt, his shoulders, or the tip of an ear to aid this supposed involuntary function.
As the boy got older, Mrs. Happy observed a predilection for playing in the mud, for smashing towers of blocks, for using his hair as a napkin. (He has now graduated to his shirt and pants.) There is something about the physicality of boys—the need to touch, to roughhouse, to play hard—that gets carried over into manhood, and into the bedroom. Mrs. Happy has decided it’s a wonderful thing about the way God made men.
After all, men go off to the frontlines to fight our wars. They work hard with their hands. They endure dirt and blows and physical hardship and even find it exhilarating. They read books about Special Forces and extreme survival and watch Bear Grylls eat bugs and think it’s all cool.
No wonder our husbands are so interested in touching us, expressing love through physical contact and sex. He’s like the rambunctious puppy dog that gets so excited he wants to jump and slobber all over you, because he loves you and just can’t help himself. You’re like the coolest chemistry set he ever had, full of intricacies and oddities and complexities and strange substances with which to experiment and explore. Your body is a subject of enduring fascination to him, and he loves that it belongs to him, and that his body belongs to you (1 Corinthians 7:4).
So, Mrs. Happy says, let him experiment. Let him see you, examine you, kiss you, rub you, prod you, etc. You get the picture. Embrace your husband’s physicality.
Many if not most men express their love primarily by doing, and that’s true in the bedroom as well as in other areas of life. They show their love physically–by doing things to you, with strength and tenderness and ingenuity and finesse, depending on what’s appropriate at the moment. We receive and respond to that expression of love–and that’s how they know we love them.
They give, we receive. God made men to be givers, to lay down their lives for their wives (Ephesians 5:25). They give protection, provision, selfless love, and sexual pleasure. Their bodies are designed to please us. We respond to their gifts with appreciation, honor, and the surrender of our will (submission). We enjoy being pleased, and we gently direct them in how to please us in the bedroom. They, in turn, are delighted to serve us this way.
There’s an important principle we need to understand about our husbands: If you love my body, you love me. If you don’t love my body, you don’t love me.
Sex is so important to your husband. Let me tell you just a few ways:
● It is a tremendous confidence boost when a man knows he can please his wife sexually. He’s ready to take on the world with all of its buffets and blows, because he knows that the person who is closest to his heart—his wife—appreciates and loves him by responding to him sexually. (Mrs. Happy isn’t talking about women who fake orgasms, a damaging form of deception. That is a subject for another column. By the way, Mrs. Happy don’t fake nothin’.)
● Regular sex helps your husband live a godly life. I’m not only talking about avoiding sexual temptation and mental distractions; sex helps your husband walk in love and forgiveness toward you, his wife. Sex is a constraint for husbands—a very nice one. It’s a good thing for us to know we have to extend respect and kindness toward our mate if we want to enjoy the benefits of sexual intimacy.
● Sex is great for your husband’s health. Frequent sex stimulates production of testosterone, which helps your husband maintain his weight, energy, and mental sharpness.
● Sex enables your husband to hit the “reset” button on stress. What better way to forget a crummy day, or to gain some energy and resolve (not to mention deep sleep) for that last push on the big project that’s due Friday? Sexual release helps your husband relax. Just knowing that sex is readily available—in other words, you’re not avoiding him; you have an attitude of embracing his physicality—helps him settle down and enjoy marriage.
Godly women, let’s not overcomplicate sex. Some Christians build up sex like it’s supposed to be this cataclysmic emotional experience all the time. And yes, it is an essential aspect of intimacy in marriage, and it does involve our emotions, but it is also–and perhaps primarily–play. Like music, food, dancing–it doesn’t have to be a big deal all the time. It can be fast (but satisfying, ahem), it can be slow, it can be bathed in romance, it can even be primarily physical release, ‘cause you’re fixin’ to explode otherwise. And it is still entirely holy for you and your husband, whether he’s saved or unsaved. (1 Corinthians 7:14 assures saved wives married to unbelievers that they can enjoy sex with their husbands and know it is a righteous act.)
Do you embrace the way God made your husband, or are you expecting and perhaps demanding that he love you the way a woman generally does, through words and emotions? Let’s be honest, many of us entered into marriage with some degree of resentment toward men, because of bad experiences in our lives. That resentment will distort the sexual relationship and hinder our ability to respond to our husbands.
Thank God, we can go before a High Priest who is touched by our weaknesses. Will you humble yourself in prayer before Him today and repent of any resentment, bitterness, or despising of men? He will forgive you and grant you a willing spirit (Psalm 51:10-12).
Mrs. Happy has been married to one man for a long time. Mrs. Happy loves to read your comments; just keep it holy, y’all.