Years ago, I “accidentally” sent one of my eMinistry broadcasts to a man named Lyle, who owned a business in my hometown. I didn’t know him personally, but after receiving my message, he wrote back and told me his story.
Lyle and his wife of many years had separated. During one attempt to see her in Mansfield, Texas, he found himself driving through the rain, crying so hard that he could barely see the road ahead.
As he drove, he began talking to God.
He thought about the direction his life had taken and the ways he believed he had ignored God’s voice. Years earlier, Lyle had felt called to ministry, but somewhere along the way, career ambitions and the pursuit of money had taken priority. His marriage had suffered, and the calling he once felt so strongly had been pushed aside.
That rainy night, everything came crashing down in more ways than one.
Lyle lost control of his car. It rolled three times and was badly crushed, yet he walked away without a scratch.
For him, surviving that accident became part of a much larger turning point.
When Life Begins to Change
Around the same period, Lyle’s wife was reconsidering their separation. Eventually, the couple reconciled.
Lyle also began reconsidering what he wanted his life to represent. When he contacted me, he was attending Truett Seminary and had recently preached for the first time at a Cowboy Church in Mansfield.
I could sense his excitement. It sounded as though a man who had spent years chasing one definition of success was beginning to discover another.
He was also making changes to his business life because his convictions about it had changed. Not everyone understood his decisions. Some friends and associates resisted the new direction he was taking.
From one perspective, parts of his old life appeared to be coming apart.
From another, perhaps his life was finally coming together.
Who Have We Decided Is Too Far Gone?
Lyle’s story made me think about the people Christians sometimes dismiss because of where they work, how they live, or the choices they have made.
Perhaps there is someone in your own community whose life seems completely removed from God. Maybe it is someone struggling with addiction. Perhaps it is a business owner whose choices conflict with your beliefs. It could even be someone whose lifestyle makes you uncomfortable.
What happens when that person encounters us?
Do they encounter condemnation first, or compassion?
It is easy to criticize someone from a distance. It is much harder to get close enough to understand the person behind the choices we disagree with.
That doesn’t mean abandoning our convictions or pretending everything is right simply because we want to appear loving. Compassion and conviction do not have to be enemies. We can disagree with someone’s choices without treating that person as though they are beyond the reach of God’s grace.
What If the Person You Judged Is Still Becoming?
I once knew a club owner who felt that Christians repeatedly condemned him because of the kind of establishment he operated. Yet other Christians chose a different approach. They built relationships with him rather than simply criticizing him.
At one point, he spent a considerable amount of money to bring a Christian band to his establishment. I served as the MC for the event.
Only 18 people showed up.
I remember thinking about what might have happened if more Christians had recognized the opportunity. Not because filling the venue would somehow validate everything associated with the business, but because it could have opened a door for relationship, conversation, and perhaps something more.
We sometimes become so focused on separating ourselves from what we oppose that we miss opportunities to demonstrate what we believe.
Jesus was remarkably willing to engage people whom respectable society preferred to avoid. He did not need to approve of every choice they had made before treating them as people worthy of attention and compassion.
That should challenge us.
Grace Does Not Require a Perfect Starting Point
Lyle’s testimony renewed my hope because his story reminded me that we rarely know what God may be doing in another person’s life.
Someone can appear far away from God while wrestling privately with questions we know nothing about. The person we have written off may already be reconsidering the direction of his life. The woman everyone has labeled by her worst decision may be quietly searching for a way forward.
Transformation doesn’t always begin where we expect it to.
The Apostle Paul is one of Christianity’s clearest reminders of that truth. Before becoming one of the most influential figures in the early Church, Paul actively persecuted Christians. Few people looking at Saul of Tarsus would have predicted what his life would eventually become.
That is why we should be careful about deciding who is a “hopeless case.”
There are people battling addiction, people who have walked away from their faith, people whose businesses or lifestyles we may strongly disagree with, and people who have made decisions with painful consequences. None of those descriptions gives us the authority to declare that someone’s story is finished.
Let People See Jesus Before They Hear Your Judgment
Conviction has its place. Truth matters. But the way we carry truth matters too.
If our first response to people is contempt, hostility or superiority, we may communicate something very different from the Gospel we claim to represent.
Lyle’s story reminded me that God’s ability to reach someone does not depend on how promising that person appears to us.
So perhaps the better question isn’t, “How could that person live like that?”
Perhaps it is, “How can I show this person the love and compassion of Christ?”
Pray for people. Speak truth when it is yours to speak. Establish boundaries where they are necessary. But resist the temptation to reduce another human being to a label, a profession, an addiction, a mistake or a season of rebellion.
The person you are tempted to write off today may be in the middle of a story you cannot yet see.
Lyle’s life was changing.
And his testimony reminded me of something worth remembering about everyone else:
No human being is ours to declare beyond the reach of grace.
Michael Tummilo is a licensed/ordained minister, a Certified Workplace Chaplain, and a Professional Member of NIBIC. He has ministered in Methodist, Pentecostal, Charismatic, Baptist, Disciples of Christ, College, and Cowboy churches.
