Dear Wendy: Help Me Help Myself To Forgive

    Dear Wendy:
    I was in a relationship with an emotionally abusive person who often cheated on me and made me feel worthless. I have moved on with my life, but there is so much bitterness in my heart. I want to forgive and forget, but cannot. Please help me help myself.

    –Pat, Rockwall, TX

    Dear Pat:

    I am so thankful you had the strength to leave such an unhealthy relationship! I am sorry you went through the heartache and are still suffering to a certain degree. I think it is important to remain in an “I CAN” mentality, not an “I CAN’T” mentality (Phil. 4:13). You can do everything Christ has called you to do, including forgiving this man who hurt you. I am not saying it is easy, or by any means justifies the hurt, but if you will do your part, God will do His. Choose to forgive and let God gently grow you through the pain and erase the sting of what has hurt you so badly. You are free to release him to God and LOVE YOURSELF! I would encourage you to thank God throughout the day that you are no longer in that painful relationship and thank Him for the wonderful things He has in store for you. (1 Thess. 5:18; Jer. 29:11). Forgive, accept God’s love and approval, then move forward and WIN! So, give thanks and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    May your next steps have a spring to them,


    Dear Wendy:
    My wife is always airing our dirty laundry in public. I am always embarrassed when it gets back to me, and have told her to stop, but to no avail. What can I do to stop her from running her mouth unnecessarily?

    –Paul M., Lancaster, TX

    Dear Paul:

    I can hear the hurt and disappointment in your question, and I’m sorry you’re hurting. This is more of a heart issue, though, than a mouth issue. The Bible reveals that the mouth speaks what the heart is full of (Luke 6:45). When you say “dirty laundry,” what I hear is that you are having problems. She is speaking out of very negative emotions and those usually stem from hurts, disappointments and fears. Try addressing those things rather than her gossiping, and you may be able to find resolution. Perhaps get some Christian counseling and let her know you want to listen, work through your problems together, and give her a resource where she can talk about the pain. A counselor is a great option in such situations, bringing an unbiased perspective. However, God alone is the one who can ultimately change her heart, so make sure you do two things: Faithfully pray for her and listen to Him as he leads you in how you can best bring healing to her hurting heart. As you do this, He will be faithful to watch over yours. Kindness here is critical, for it generally leads to repentance (Rom. 2:4).

    May your hearts soon overflow with love, and your mouths with praise,


    Wendy Torres, BCBC is a Christian Counselor that has been in ministry for 22 years and private practice for 6 years. Ms. Torres has 2 offices, one located at 2304 Oak Lane, Suite 228, Grand Prairie, TX 75051 and the other located at 1823 W. Walnut Hill Lane, Suite 120, Irving, TX 75038. For more information, please visit her website at www.refreshingtimescounselingcenter.com. She can also be contacted at (214) 830-8525 or email: wendy@refreshingtimes@yahoo.com.

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    1. Wendy, I love how you answered both questions. Great way to help someone see things in a COMPLETELY different perspective. Sometimes we stick to one thing when we should really sit down and see things differently.
      I was in Pat’s situation at one point and do agree that It is hard to forgive. You can’t forget but once you forgive you will be able to let go of all the bitterness in your heart as I did. God Loves us all and is listening. We just have to Talk to him and he will hear you.

    2. There are so many things I appreciate about your answers, but top of the list is I love the way you use scripture which move the answer from being man centered and keeps it GOD centered – Thank You Wendy for being faithful to the Word of God

    3. Helen, thank you! What a great privilege it is to be able to help those who write in with God’s wisdom and principles.

    4. Dear RC, thank you for the encouragement! Of this I am certain, with God their is love, their is healing, and their is HOPE.


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