Are you having an emotional affair?

By M. J. Andre 

An emotional affair may not be about sex, but it is certainly an extramarital affair and those involved are definitely looking for something that most times ends up in heartbreak. An emotional affair is as powerful as a sexual affair and has the same potential to destroy a marriage in no time. Some Christians are forced to live in marriages where emotional affairs are as easy as breathing. As a result, there is a lack of emotional contact because the one  who is doing the cheating (physically or digitally), finds the contact needed in his or her emotional affair. Some experts believe an emotional affair is more damaging than a physical one. The time spent thinking, anticipating and fantasizing about someone else affects the spouse at home that ends up suffering the brunt of a disconnected spouse and perforated intimacy. The need for an emotional affair indicates that the marriage is in trouble. It goes without saying, the more time spent from one emotional affair to the other, the less time spent on the relationship at home. 

If one is having an emotional affair he or she might kid himself that since there is no physical contact, everything is fine. You have to ask, who exactly are you trying to convince? If you put it in the context of a Christian we have contact and intimacy with God in our mind, our thoughts, and our hearts, so while your bodies might not be touched in an exchange, you have certainly touched this person with your senses and to some extent you violate the person with your thoughts. And let’s not kid ourselves into thinking only men have emotional affairs both men and women are likely to do it.

If you call yourself a Christian yet you find yourself living with what the Bible calls shameful lusts for years after years, then you belong to the group of people that probably have been living so much like fools that God had to give you over to your desires. I know men and women who find that it’s perfectly okay to be given to emotional affairs while thinking they are walking with God. Sadly, they find reasons to continue reading the Bible. Well, it is understandable if you are reading the Bible to make it fit your lifestyle, I guarantee you that you will have no problem twisting God’s Word to make it suit your purposes, like Satan.

Nevertheless there will be a time where He will call you on your lies and your illusions. Don’t be surprised if He asks you which Gospel were you living out? Living emotional affairs one after the other simply puts you in the category of someone with a depraved mind. It’s one of the things that God considers to be wickedness, evil, greed, depravity, arrogant, boastful and so on. It is evil because it is a sin against God. It is arrogant because you are feeding your own ego. It is having a depraved mind because you have a deficiency when it comes to moral choices and a complete lack of integrity. You have no fear of God in your heart, no regards for your spouse or yourself. A depraved mind is perverted and corrupted. It is greed, because you are not content with the person God has placed in your care to look after with love, respect and dignity. And it certainly means that righteousness is not in you.

I know pastors and elders who give in to their basic instincts and allow themselves to live out this kind of deception. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions they blame the woman who has become the object of their affection. Often, they have something they exercise toward her that looks like hostility. They really buy into the idea that it is not their fault but the woman who tempted them. Remember Adam tried that with God? “It was the woman’s fault.” However, God who sees the heart, motive and attitude knows better. If you are in such situation, no matter your social standing in the Church, I encourage you to stop blaming someone else and take responsibility for your own sin. As you do, ask God to take you out of this bondage, and to put holy repentance in your heart that will change your behavior toward Him, your spouse and your children. And if you have been practicing such deceptive behavior for years while calling yourself a Christian, repent and do what is right from now on. May the Lord give you the strength to do what is right morally, spiritually and physically especially as it can come back to bite you, your spouse, family members and ministry.

M.J. Andre has written the newly released Christian book “Apprehended & Apprehending” available on Amazon and Amazon Kindle, Smashwords and Barnes & Noble.