Fewer and fewer people manage a marriage. A third of marriages will not survive. Divorce is very impactful on your life and on the lives of your loved ones. You have to put everything in order to save your marriage. At least, as long as you still believe in marriage. But the marital problems can also simply not be solved.
We are happy to help you save your marriage. In this article, we explain 8 golden tips that can help you breathe new life into your relationship. You have been very happy with each other. With difficulty and attention, you can revive old times, but you have to do something about it.
Do you have marital problems?
In a healthy relationship, there are always differences of opinion and arguments. You are equal partners, each with its own opinion. It is impossible to always be on one line about everything.
In a relationship where there are never issues, there is probably negative resignation, for example: “I will not go into it anymore, because it makes no sense”. There is a marital problem if it feels like that for one of the two partners. As soon as the situation within the marriage makes you unhappy, measures must be taken.
Try everything to save the marriage
You enter into a marriage for life. With marriage problems, you have to do everything in your power to save the marriage, unless you no longer want to stay in the marriage. Before you start drawing conclusions, you must be sure of your case. A divorce has a major emotional and financial impact. Not only for yourself but also for people in your life and of course especially for the family. As long as it is still worthwhile for you, you must ensure changes within your relationship.
A relationship is further deteriorated by a negative spiral
Married couples with marital problems end up in a vicious circle. Because of the problems, even bigger problems arise. That is why something must be done about the situation. Eventually, the marital problems become so great that you will no longer be able to get them under control again. The problem is often that wedding issues are not appreciated. This is also logical because the line between a period that the marriage runs a bit stiffer and real marital problems is vague. You can only solve problems after they have been recognized.
Is relationship therapy the solution?
You only go into relationship therapy if you are unable to solve the problems yourself. Relationship therapy does not work well for everyone. Your relationship may benefit in the long term, but it may also strengthen the negative thought about your relationship. You will realize unconsciously that you now also need therapy to keep your relationship alive. If you have to make a choice between divorce or relationship therapy, it is, of course, a simple choice. You can try therapy as a last resort.
8 golden tips to solve marital problems
How do you get out of this negative spiral? You should also let your partner think along with you. You need two people for a good marriage. One unfortunate partner already causes marital problems for both partners. Apply the tips below to immediately implement improvements within the marriage.
Tip # 1: Stop blaming and start building
There are many reproaches within a disturbed marriage. Partners who want to work on their relationship must stop this. It is good to express what you dislike, but do not do this in an angry (negative) mood. It is better to wait until a moment when there is no mutual friction. State what you are upset about in a non-reproachful manner. Stop blaming is the first step to break a negative spiral within your relationship. There is still a long way to go, but the first step has been taken.
Tip # 2: Search for the origin of the problems
There are probably more causes for your marital problems, but try to find out what the basis of the problem is. When and why did it arise? Marital problems are often the sum of multiple complications, but there may be one real problem. This can be the annoyance of the lax attitude of one of the two, but it can also be caused by bad sex, for example. If you succeed in discovering the probable origin of the problems, it will also become easier to do something about it.
Tip # 3: Also be open to your own mistakes and negative attitude
Identifying the problems with the partner will probably not cost you much effort. The next step is to face your own downsides and do something with it. The degree of culpability for the problems within the relationship may differ, but both actively contribute to the problems. Put on paper where you drop stitches. Ask your partner in a substantive conversation about what you are doing wrong. Do you know your downsides? Then do something with it.
Tip # 4: Lots of conversations
A lot of conversations will have to be conducted to make progress alone. Take the time for this. Do not expect a few conversations to be enough to get back together. It is best to schedule in-depth conversations daily or at least several times a week. Also, discuss the progress you have already made. Use events from that day to analyze what may have gone wrong and how you can prevent this in the future.
Tip # 5: Identify each other’s strongest points
Growing goodwill together can do no harm. You probably often criticize each other. You should not expect compliments in a disrupted marriage. Try to write down your partner’s strengths. Make it a list and discuss it with each other. It is nice to hear what your partner appreciates about you. It is mainly about the strengths of the character.
Tip # 6: Go back to the beginning
It is good to feel again what you have felt for each other in the past. Take both of them back to basics to see that you have also had good times. This may be pictures of better times, but another nice way is to go on vacation for two to the destination where your honeymoon went. Even recalling memories can be very effective. The point is that you don’t just think negatively about your marriage. The joint goal must be to become happy again together. For this, it is necessary to realize what it is like to have fun again within a relationship.
Tip # 7: Do things together
Partners who live next to each other can take steps by doing more together. For example, do odd jobs at the house or do a course together. Something in common must be built up again. A “we” feeling must be created again. This gives a connection. You must get more deals than just two people living under the same roof.
Tip # 8: Give each other more room
There may also be relationship problems because you are too much on each other’s lips. In that case, you should not do things together but rather look for relaxation yourself. Always doing something together can actually be oppressive and stifling. Indicate to your partner that you want to do more yourself. Giving each other space is different from avoiding each other. In that case, other measures must be taken to make the relationship healthy again.
The tips will only work with the full cooperation of both partners. If your partner does not want to cooperate in improving the relationship, he/she underestimates the problem, or your partner has already given up the relationship.
A healthy relationship ensures happy life. A bad relationship causes stress, accident and a lot of drama.
Get a relationship where your partner is 100% committed to you, without friction or annoying tensions.
Michael Lance writes on marriage and relationships.