There are so many women out there who are scared to get into a relationship because they are committed to sexual purity and do not want to be pressured for sex. At first, the man might pretend to be just as committed as she is, but in a very short while, he might begin to aggressively attempt to change her mind or abruptly end the date and never get in touch again.
If sadly, this is your experience, this article is for you… man or woman. Now you might be considering going on a Christian dating site to find someone who wants the same thing you do, let me tell you that the experience wouldn’t be different. What you need are these 6 godly relationships and Christian dating tips I’m about to lay out for you.
Know Yourself
Before you get into any relationship, it’s important that you first take time to study and know yourself. Ask yourself, what attributes of my character would bless someone else? Often time, we’re only focused on what we want from a person, we forget to evaluate what we can give. So, before you make that list of your perfect someone, evaluate yourself.
Am I selfish or generous? Am I kind or harsh? Am I loving and caring? Am I going to be a blessing to my partner? All these and more are the questions you need to ask yourself or people around you before you go out searching for a prince charming who will grant all your emotional needs and give you the happy life you think you deserve.
The best relationships are enjoyed by two people who know themselves well, realize their strengths, work on their weaknesses, and are determined to give rather than expect to receive.
Prepare yourself
God always, always provides us with tools to discern where He would have us go as we journey through life. So you can always go back to the scriptures as you prepare yourself to start a Godly relationship. That protects you from being deceived or making life-altering mistakes.
You’ll see yourself more clearly through the words of God than through what you think you know or are told. So always make time to study the bible and as you study, ask God to search your heart and reveal to you areas you need to work on and changes you need to make before you start dating.
Don’t wait until you meet someone, start preparing yourself NOW! That way you become more sensitive to the Lord’s leading to one day help you discern who He might have you marry.
Evaluate Your Motives
Another question you might need to ask yourself is if your motives for dating are right. Are you seeking a life-long relationship through marriage or just someone to have fun with? If what you want is fun, you may be better off going out with friends rather than dating one person in particular and dashing their hopes.
And if you are dating to find a spouse, don’t be that woman who goes on one date and then relentlessly manipulates the guy toward marriage. Dating with the hope of finding a spouse is a genuine motivation for most Christian singles at a certain age. But remember, dating is a way to see if you’re compatible rather than a betrothal.
Commit to Purity
A lot of us think that as long as we don’t actually do the thing that makes a baby, we’re ok. But remember that Hebrews 13:4 says the marriage bed should be undefiled. It means to abstain from sex and even foreplay, which could lead to sex, before marriage. Now, when you start playing with foreplay, you force your body to prepare for sex. So, depending on how long this type of interaction occurs in the dating relationship, eventually, your defenses are let down, and you give in to what your actions have been preparing your body to do.
In other words, foreplay is sex. It’s all sex. And in the marriage bed, it pleases the Lord. Outside of marriage, these actions will take you down a path that is not Spirit-led, confuses your emotions, and tempt you to have sex before you wed even though you may have committed to staying pure.
Consider the Qualities of a Godly Spouse
Before you go into any relationship, consider the Godly qualities you’re looking for. Remember that whoever you date is a potential spouse and you’ll fall in love with them, so do not date just for the sake of dating. Be determined to only date a person who at least appears to have Godly characteristics. Yes, we know that first impressions may not be true to who a person is, but with God’s help, spending time dating a person can help you discover their true identity.
Remember, the person you marry will be the one with whom you will serve the Lord and raise your children so be sure that they have the potential to guide you, and your future family, toward knowing Christ even more,
Know Your Worth
So many people have been fooled into thinking their worth is in lies in the kind of partner they end up with and if you fall into this trap, you’ll search for a dating partner who will validate your worth and this kind of thought will only let you down. Humans don’t have the capacity to carry the heavyweight of being the source of someone’s worth and it’s too much a burden to place on someone.
The safe thing to do would be to find your worth and that you can only do through Christ. The more committed you are to finding your value in Christ’s love for you, the more ready you will be to date for the right reasons. And, when you are confident in your worth because of Christ, you’ll not be that needy person who sucks the life out of the one they’re dating, in an attempt to find affirmation.
That doesn’t mean you don’t want to date a person who compliments and affirms you. Or that you shouldn’t lift others with your words. But when you are wisely grounded in God’s love for you, their compliments will endear them to you and bless you for the right reasons.
Helen Thompson is a teacher by profession. She is also passionate about writing on relationships.
