Have you ever found yourself “dishing out” criticism to someone? Maybe it was on your job, in your home, at your church, or in your social/professional organizations. Perhaps there was something going on to your disliking and you decided to voice your opinion about it.
How did you go about stating your criticism? How did you handle the feedback generated from your criticism? Sharing your criticism with others can be a sticky situation depending on the environment in which you find yourself expressing your constructive comments, thoughts, suggestions, opinions, and feedback.
The next time you find yourself prompted to share criticism with others, take into account the four questions below. The way in which you answer each question will help to determine how well you provide and receive criticism.
Did you provide solid recommendations for changing or making things better?
When you gave your criticism, it was for a reason – right? You observed how whatever you were criticizing was not working out the way it should and you thought you had a different way to make things work better. Therefore, you stated your opinion, made your recommendations, and suggested new and alternative ways for things to get done – right? Keep in mind, in giving criticism, you must be very careful not to make it a complaining fest. Whatever the reason for your heightened need to share your criticism, make sure that you can provide solid recommendations that will help the person or organization you are criticizing to change and make things better.
Did you walk your talk?
It is so easy to tell someone else what they are doing wrong and the things they could be doing to do things right; however, it is very hard to do those things yourself. As you give your criticism, you must keep in mind that if you are stating how everyone should arrive on time to meetings, you should also be arriving on times to meeting. Don’t just talk the talk. Be able to walk your walk. Those that you criticize will respect you more if they see you doing the things you criticize them for not doing.
Did you seek first to understand then to be understood?
Sitting in the back seat of someone else’s situation does not always give you the right perspective for criticizing a situation. Learn the back story. Know why things are done the way they are done before you say it’s wrong or make the attempt to change it. When you have a level of understanding, you will be in a better position of stating relevant criticism and for making more adequate recommendations of change.
Once you gave your criticism, were you able to live, learn, and let go?
As long as you live, you must keep in mind that giving someone criticism is one thing, but, seeing them do what you suggest, is another. Criticism, no matter how helpful, must be provided in doses. Let’s face it, as long as you live, you will see that criticism is not always looked upon favorably. Depending on what is said, as well as, how it was said, people could misconstrue what you meant, causing them to have a negative perception of you. You must be able to live through those misconceptions and feelings of resentment. In addition, you must be able to live through the length of time it will take to see your recommendations come to pass. If those that you criticize actually see value in your criticism, then it may take time for them to accept and implement what you suggest. Therefore, be able to live through the process with patience, fortitude, and forgiveness.
As you live through the process of giving criticism, you will also need to learn from the process of giving criticism. Learn from the situations you criticize. Learn from the people you criticize. Learn more about yourself as you criticize others. Learn that when you criticize things they will not always change as you think they should. As you live through and learn from the process of giving criticism, remember that it will also become pertinent that you learn to let go.
When you “dish it out,” expect it to come back to you in the form of resistance, explanation, and/or cooperation. No matter how it comes back though, you must be able to let go. Let go of the attitude. Let go of the complaints. Let go of the “I’m always right” mentality. Let go of the vindictive behavior to get back and get even. Let go of the “if you had only done it my way you would not have these problems” philosophy. Let go of the “it must happen NOW” syndrome – because it won’t. Let go of the insolence to do nothing toward helping things change in a positive way. When you are able to let go, you keep yourself grounded and positioned to being able to provide adequate and appropriate criticism for each situation as they arise.
In closing, giving criticism to others is not a bad thing. The bad thing comes, however, in what you say and how you say it. As long as when you give effective criticism, you do not turn it into a vindictive and selfish situation, the process of giving criticism will become an opportunity that benefits everyone involved. Since criticism can actually be used to change situations and people for the better, you must be mindful of how you answer the four questions above. When you are able to release the emotion and remain objective in the course of providing criticism, you will find that you will be able to provide solid recommendations for changing or making situations and people better; you’ll be more equipped to walk your talk; you’ll even be able to seek first to understand then to be understood; and finally, you will be able to live, learn, and let go.
In the world of inspiration and motivation, there is no other like Cassandra “D.I.V.A. of Dialog™” Lee. She is a leadership speaker who uses “Divine Inspiration Vocally Applied™” to help her audiences achieve workplace satisfaction and career success. To get a FREE copy of her special report, “101 Ways to Have a Rewarding Career,” sign-up on her website at https://www.divaofdialog.com.
